On offense

That's offense, as in taking offense, or being offended. Not as in quarterbacks and running backs.

I heard recently that no one can offend you without your permission. So many people find it so easy to get offended these days. It's really not necessary. After all, your relationships with other people reside in you, and in the way you react and interpret what other people do.

Consider this: Somebody says something, the exact same thing, to two different people of similar backgrounds. One person is offended and the other is not. So where's the difference? The difference is not in what was said, as the words and even the unspoken messages (i.e. body laguage, tonality, etc.) were the exact same for both listeners. The difference, then, is in the listener.

Why would one choose to be offended? Unlike some emotions and feelings that could be described as "negative", offense has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Frustration, for example, can be viewed as a signal that the way one is approaching a task or problem is not working and it's time to try a different approach, or to drop the task for the time being and come back to it another time.

Motivational gurus have spoken on this topic in the context of controlling your thoughts and directing them for your good and your personal improvement. Even Apostle David A. Bednar spoke about offense at the last General Conferece in October, 2006. He said:

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else....

"You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended." (Ensign, November 2006)

So take a step in a positive direction today and choose not to be offended. It will make a happier and more in-control you!