On appreciation

When you go to buy a new car, the second you drive it off the lot, it's no longer a "new" car, and it's now a "used" car (some would say "practically new", but that's still not new). And what's happened to its value? It depreciated. By as much as 0% or more. Just by driving it a few feet.

In contrast, let's say you bought stock in a company. Let's say this is a company with solid financials, great management, and a real vision of their future growth. This stock is likely to appreciate, that is, increase in value.

Webster defines appreciate two ways:
1) to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of, and
2) to increase the value of

When you appreciate something, you grasp the nature or quality of it, and at the same time, I believe, you increase its value, at least in your own mind. For example, that new car is probably worth more to you once you've bought it and can more fully grasp its meaning and value in your life.

The same is true with everything around you. Focus on beauty, worth, and significance of everything you see -- make an effort to really appreciate the everyday elements in your life -- and it will increase in value as well. Become an appreciator of all things, and you'll find yourself living a richer, fuller life.

Your comments?

On Promotions

All my life, I've rarely been the one promoted when the position above me came open (this is changing for me now, by the way). I could never figure out why that was, becuase my work was always as good or better than the person that got the job.

Simply put, there are two things that you are measured by at any job. All other metrics can be boiled down to these two things.

1) Your performance
2) Your attitude

Now I said that my performance was always at least satisfactory, and I believe it was. And my attitude was never "bad", per se, but it wasn't always as good as it should be. When I saw things that didn't function according to how I thought they should, I was somewhat vocal about it. My reasoning was that superiors would appreciate knowing what could work better. I rarely, if ever, tried to understand what benefits there may have been with the existing process.

So, if you're consistently getting passed over for promotions or higher paying jobs, take a look at yourself and examine your performance and your attitude. To get promoted, both need to be exceptional. You can't have exceptional work but an average attitude, and rarely will an exceptional attitude make up for sub-par performance. Start today making each better, and soon the opprtunites will be flowing your way!

Comments, as always, are welcome and appreciated!

Don't Worry... Be Happy

Turns out that way back in 1988, Bobby McFerrin was onto something. This great tune really sums it up. It IS up to you. "It will soon pass, whatever it is."

Watch the video here, listen to the words. And take them seriously. He's right, ya know.

The Secret behind "The Secret"

This arrived in my email today, and I liked it so much I wanted to share it. It's from Michael Neill, who owns and operates the website Genius Catalyst. Check it out. He gets it.

"Everything should be made as simple as possible - but no simpler."

-Albert Einstein

With the movie "The Secret" and books like "Cosmic Ordering" all the rage these days, a whole new cross-section of society is getting interested in attracting their perfect job, perfect partner and perfect bank balance. As a few seem to succeed almost instantaneously while the vast majority seem unable to get what they want no matter how hard they try, a question I'm being asked more and more is "what do I need to change in my thinking in order for me to get what I want?"

It sounds like a simple enough question, but having explored metaphysics, NLP, mind dynamics and a host of other disciplines in relation to the art and science of success for the past 16 years or so, I think the answer is worthy of a bit of
complexity.

There are essentially two schools of thought in relation to getting and having what you want - the school of acquisition and the school of attraction.

The school of acquisition has been the dominant one in Western culture for many years, and its teachings can be summed up in the sentence:

*If you want it, go and get it!*

From the ancient Mongol hordes to the modern titans of business and industry, our society tends to reward and hold up as heroes those men and women who have gone after what they want with enthusiasm and passion. (If they happened to trample a few people on the way to the top, well, it's unfortunate of course, but those are just the casualties of war.)

On the plus side, graduates of the school of acquisition have helped create ancient and modern empires and contributed tremendous advances in science, medicine, and business; on the down side, they have contributed to a world culture where the strong tend to look down on the weak and wonder why they don't just get off their lazy behinds, try harder and go and get "it" for themselves.

But while the school of acquisition has been in full session for the past 2500 years or so, the school of attraction has been quietly holding classes in hidden caves and "new thought" churches, its teachings disseminated through secret texts, biblical parables and new age gurus.

The school of attraction teaches:

*Like attracts like*
*Thoughts become things*
and
*You become what you think about*

These "secret" teachings and principles of attraction were often suppressed by the ruling elite, or so the story goes, because they placed the power within each individual, although the true source of that power is often attributed to God or a benevolent, vibratory universe.

Many of the great men and women throughout history, from ancient religious icons to renaissance men like Leonardo DaVinci and Sir Isaac Newton are known to have studied the ancient texts of the school of attraction.

So now that this "secret" teaching is no longer a secret, why isn't everybody living the life of their dreams?

Here's what I believe to be the answer:

*People are attempting to use the principles of attraction as a new set of tools for acquisition.*

Instead of actually shifting the basis of their approach to life to one of planting seeds of kindness, beauty and love and reaping the harvest of a bountiful life, people are attempting to get a better parking space (or indeed a better car, girlfriend or bank balance) by "thinking the right thoughts".

The problem lies in the reason people want the car, girlfriend or bank balance in the first place - because they believe having what they want will "make" them happy. But a closer looking at the teachings behind "The Secret" reveal that it works the other way around. It is the energy of happiness that attracts the good things into our lives.

Do the principles of attraction really work? In my experience, absolutely. But if you use them to try and manipulate the universe into giving you what you think you need to be happy, you are as likely to manifest frustration and self-doubt as that shiny new husband or loving automobile.

With love,
Michael

Courage

"Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage!"

~ Cowardly Lion, Wizard of Oz, 1939.

It takes courage to improve oneself. The fact that you're reading this blog means that most likely you've recognized that something in your life isn't quite what you want it to be. There exists a certain level of dissatisfaction with the status quo, and you want to improve something. That's a realization many people make, however a very small percentage seems to have the courage to take the next step, whatever it may be.

Socrates has been quoted as saying "The unexamined life is not worth living". By delving into the world of self-improvement, you've decided that your life bears some examination. Good for you! And the fact that you've made it to this blog means you must be searching. That takes courage! Much easier it would be indeed to accept the perceived deficiencies that may exist in certain areas of your life, or worse, to complain and notice them, but do nothing about them. You're doing something.

Don't stop now, you're on a roll!

On Limits

How much would you accomplish if you couldn't see the barriers you now see? Remember, it's what you focus on.

Watch this.

On Fate

There is a school of thought in the self-improvement/self-help world that says that nothing happens by accident, that God or the Source or the Creator or whatever term you apply, is in control of all and that things happen to you exactly when they're supposed to and how they're supposed to. I'm not sure I believe that, however...

I do believe that everything that happens to you can be for your benefit and can lead to great things. It's all in how you use it.

The comment about dissatisfaction mentioned in my last post is something that got me thinking along these lines. Perhaps it is divine destiny that you lost your job, or that your spouse left you, or that you were abused as a child, perhaps it isn't. What I know is that you still have response-ability. You can take ownership of whatever has happened to you in the past and turn it to something positive. Too many people ask "Why has this happened to me? Why do bad things happen to good people?" when they questions they should be asking themselves are more along the lines of "What can I learn from this? Where is the lesson? How can I use this to become a better or happier person?"

You see, your quality of life is directly related to the questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself "Why does this always happen to me? Why am I so unlucky?" you will certainly get answers to these questions. "Because you're a fool. Because you're so unfortunate. Because people just don't like you." None of these are probalby true, but you'll get the answers you're looking for. Ask yourself a better question, and you'll get better answers.

So take the unfortunate circumstances in your life and your dissatisfaction and everything that "fate" throws at you, whether you believe it's all predetermined or not, and make the best of it. Ask good questions. Get great answers, and live intentionally.

God bless. Comments are welcome and appreciated.

On dissatisfaction

A recent comment on this blog brought up the point that dissatisfaction and unhappiness can be powerful motivators for change. I couldn't agree more.

The problem with many people is, however, that they concentrate then on what they're dissatisfied about. "My house isn't big enough. I don't make enough money. I'm always sick. My husband is lazy. My boss hates me." And so on and on and on.

If this is where your mind is stuck, then you are not being motivated to change anything. If the thoughts occupying your head are thoughts of what's missing or what's wrong in your life, then you will continue to dwell in that state. If, however, you use that dissatisfaction to concentrate your thoughts on what you want or the way you'd rather have things -- such as "I want a bigger house. I can make more money. I exercise and eat right so I can stay healthy" -- then your dissatsifaction is motivating you to make a change. If you dwell on your present state, however, and you don't like your present state, you're not going to do anything to change it. You see, first you have to ask, then you have to seek, and then you have to knock. Not just whine.

Comments are again welcome and appreciated.

I want to feel good

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..."

Galatians 5:22-23

Recently I got some bad news in the mail. News that could have really upset me and gotten me down. As I considered this, I asked myself "What's the point?" You see, no matter how bad I decided to feel, the news wasn't going to change. I've already written about choosing our response to stimuli, even very bad stimuli, and how our humanity is based on just that: the ability to choose our response. So I decided that I was going to feel good anyway.

The fruit of the Spirit, as Paul wrote to the Galatians, is good feelings, or feeling good. Feeing good is feeling the Spirit. I want to feel the Spirit. I want to dwell in that environment.

Remember the bit about the yellow energy and the blue energy, or the positive and negative energy that surrounds us? By choosing to feel good, or choosing to dwell in the light of the Spirit, I attract more good positive energy into my life. And energy is everything.

You may ask, even if bad news hasn't entered your life recently (and kudos to you if this is the case... you obviously are able to avoid late evening network television - i.e. "the news"), "How can I feel good when there is so much sorrow and evil and badness in the world? And especially since the Democrats have taken control of Congress? (or "How can I feel good as long as George Bush is President?" ... pick your argument.)" My answer is this: Go ahead and feel bad about it. Dwell on it. Stress over it. Be my guest. And after a day or a week or a couple of months of feeling that way, see if anything's changed. If it has, please call me, or email me. Because I believe that you can't feel bad enough to make anyone else feel good. In fact, if you feel good -- if you choose to feel good -- you have a greater chance at making a positive impact on exactly those things that were making you feel bad.

So if a family member has recently died, go ahead and mourn. It's a sad occasion. But don't dwell in that state. Look back with fondness, for no matter how depressed you may get, you're not going to bring that person back. Celebrate the life lived, and the lives that you and others are still living. If you lost your job, concentrate on finding a new one -- or better yet, experiment with other ways of making a living. If your child was recently arrested, feel sad about it if you like, but realize that your feeling bad isn't going to change what happened. Much more effective would be to think positive thoughts about your child, concentrate on what you love about him or her, and move forward.

You can't get sick enough to make another person well. You can't feel bad enough to eradicate any of the suffering in the world. You can't get poor enough to eliminate poverty. So think big. Think positive. Feel good. Feel the Spirit. It's your choice.

On Reality

Come to find out, there is no such thing as reality.

Okay, so maybe that's a bit of a bold statement. Surely some things are objectively fact. The sky is blue (most of the time), the grass is green, the cars travelling down the freeway at 75 miles an hour WILL cause serious damage if they run into anyone or anything.

But your reality may not be the same as someone else's. I heard this example once recently, courtesy of Tony Robbins:

Suppose you're meeting someone special for dinner at 6:30. You arrive at the restaurant at 6:30 and the other person isn't there yet. Fifteen minutes later and you're still alone. That's the objective reality. However, what that means to you is totally up to you. Do they not care? Are you being stood up? Was the other person in a car accident and is lying in a hospital somewhere? Is he or she simply inconsiderate? Maybe these feelings start to intensify as 7:00 and 7:15 rolls around. How are you feeling now? Frustrated? Concerned? Anxious? Worried? Mad? Lonely?

No two people will have the same interpretation of the same events. Some will feel one way, and some will feel another. Remember when I mentioned liking your sister (or not liking your sister)? It's not the situation, but it's your subjective interpretation of the situation that makes YOUR reality.

When I was serving as a missionary in Europe, I'd get frustrated when trying to debate the concept of absolute truth with people. I remember talking to a colleague of mine and he used the example of a box, that either has a ball in it, or it doesn't. Now, regardless of what one believes or doesn't believe, there's either a ball in the box or there isn't. That's just fact. However what that means to a person, and whether or not they even care if there's a ball in the box (or a God, or a Savior, or anything else we were trying to teach people), is completely subjective. I didn't get it then, and I got awfully frustrated with people. I get it now.

Hope this makes sense. Comments welcome.

Ask, Seek, Knock

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

~ Jesus Christ
Matthew 7:7

This passage took on a new meaning to me recently. I came to realize that it's not a triple restatement of the same thought, as we often interpret it to be. It is three distinct steps that can be applied to get what it is we need or desire.

1) Ask

It is essential that we know what we want, and that we ask for it. Put that thought, or energy, out there, and let God -- or the Universe, or the Great Author of the Universe, or whatever you want to call it -- start working on bringing that into your life.

2) Seek

Start looking. Remember my analogy back in one of my first posts about the new car you just bought? When you actively begin to LOOK for things that are happening in your life that are bringing you closer to that which you need or desire, you'll be amazed at how many "coincidences" are happening that are moving you in that direction. I once heard it said that "Miracles are God's way of making his presence known, coincidences are how he remains anonymous." Watch for the coincidences, the serendipity.

3) Knock

Do something. When you ask, and seek, you'll see that there is action required on your part. Not very often will just asking bring you what you want. You can ask for a million dollars, but very rarely will it just land in your lap, courtesy of a long lost uncle that died and left his estate to you... or, more often, the rich anonymous African man that died with no heirs and left a large sum in the bank that someone just needs help to get into this country (ever hear that one before?) Chances are that there will be some work required on your part... some action. Don't let this scare you, though, you're taking action all the time, constantly. But now, after you've asked and have begun to seek, you'll see which action you specifically need to take that will bring you what you're looking for.

I hope this makes sense. Please comment. Thanks!

Climb the Mountain - an allegory

I found this on a motivational forum from a poster named Julie. The orginal post can be found at http://www.motivationtomove.com/forums/viewthread/518/

What I’d like to talk about today are goals and our journeys towards them. Imagine that your goal, whatever it is (weight loss, fitness, or something else entirely), is the peak of a mountain. To reach it, you must climb a path up the side of the mountain. In the same way that no two mountains are the same, nor even two paths up the same mountain, no two goals are the same. You will have different challenges from your friends, different reasons for climbing the mountain. But mountains are similar, and we can all share our knowledge and learn from one another as we climb our paths.

At the outset, the way will probably be broad and easy to follow. Many people have started up the mountain. You’ll have companions and laughter, people to walk with you along the broad, smooth trail. It will be fun.

But, sooner or later, the way will become more difficult. As you climb, maybe the path becomes steeper or rockier. Maybe an obstacle will block your path. Maybe it becomes less travelled. And here, perhaps, your companions will turn back. They were with you while the going was smooth, but now it’s too hard. It’s just easier to shrug and return to base camp, where it’s comfortable. Sure, it’s far away from the peak, but at least it’s got heat and running water.

But you won’t turn back. You’ve planned ahead. You have lifelines prepared and a good map to guide you. Maybe you’ve even managed to convince one of your friends to stay with you on the path, no matter how hard it gets. You know where your goal is, and you’re still going to move towards it. What are these lifelines in terms of weight loss? There are lots of them! People to encourage you and keep you accountable, tracking software, established menus or workout routines, and, most importantly, a plan. You need a plan to get you where you’re going, in the same way your mountain-climbing counterpart needs his map to show him the paths and the obstacles.

And now you, back on the mountain, have made it past some of the obstacles. You’re climbing up the mounting. The obstacles will still be there, true. Sometimes you’ll have to back-track and find ways around them. Sometimes clouds might descend over the peak and hide your goal, so that you can’t even see it. All you see is the mountain, huge and forbidding, on all sides of you. But don’t fear! The peak is still there! And if you keep following your plan, taking one step after the other along the path, you’ll keep getting closer and closer to it. One small step at a time, you’re getting closer.

Maybe you slip, fall, and find yourself further down the mountain. It’s at times like this that we want to join our friends at the base-station chalet, drinking hot chocolate and bemoaning that we’ll never reach the top. But don’t do that! Instead, look down. See how high up you are! Yes, you may be lower down than you were before your slip, but the important thing is you’re still on the mountain! You’re higher than when you started! And even if you’ve managed to fall all the way back down to the bottom of the mountain, at least now you know what to do! You know which paths to avoid and which to follow. You know how to get past those pesky obstacles that blocked you the first time. And that means you’ll travel the path even faster the next time!

Still you climb. Up, up, and up. Sometimes losing the goal, sometimes having it clearly in sight. Sometimes faltering, sometimes charging forward. Up, up, and up. And one day, you realize that the peak is right before you, just there. It’s so close you can touch it. And you do. You’re at the top of your mountain! Shout it to the world! Congratulate yourself, because you’ve done it! Huzzah!

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize that the goal, though important, was not the most important part of this whole climb. Even more important than reaching the peak was the knowledge you gathered along the way. You have new skills. You can do things now you’d never dreamed of when you were sitting in base-station. You’ve made new friends along the way, had new experiences. And now, guess what, you know how to climb a mountain!

So… where’s the next peak?

Resistance to Faith

" . . . where doubt and uncertainty are there faith is not, nor can it be. For doubt and faith do not exist in the same person at the same time. . ."

- Joesph Smith
Lectures on Faith 6:12

I love that quote. Combine that quote with what we know about focus, and you get a powerful combination. You see, sometimes we focus on things that create resistance to our faith, and I don't necessarily mean faith in a purely reiligious connotation. Faith, in the context I'm referring to it, is faith in God and faith in yourself, that you, as a child of God, or a creation of God, can draw on the powers of God by faith.

However, there are four ways of talking yourself out of having this necessary faith. I give credit to Wayne Dyer for these:

1. Focusing on what's missing in your life.

Remember the law of focus? What you concentrate on expands in your vision and in your life. If you focus on not having enough money, love, faith, happiness, or whatever else you perceive to be missing in your life, that sense of lack will expand in your vision and your life. "I don't have enough..." means you'll contunue to not have enough of whatever it is you perceive is lacking. That's not faith. That's resistance.

2. Focusing on the negative circumstances in your life.

This is very similar to the above, but it's focusing on what IS, that you don't like. For example, if you're focusing on hating your job, and all you talk about with friends, relatives, and even yourself is "I hate my job. My boss doesn't like me. They pay me crappy wages," etc., etc., then you'll continue to attract into your life a crummy job where you're not appreciated, you're underpaid, etc. Do you see the difference? In no. 1, your focus is on what's missing, and in no. 2, your focus is on what is not missing, but what you don't like about what is. I hope this is making sense.

3. Focusing on the way things always have been.

It's been said that "To get what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done." If you're focusing on the way things always have been -- for example "My spouse has never treated me well," -- then you're attracting more of your spouse not treating you well. What you focus on expands in your vision and in your mind, so focusing on what has always been will continue to attract what you've always had. "I've always rented, I've never owned a home"... you'll continue to always rent and never own, until you can get out of that mindset.

4. Focusing on what others want for you.

Focusing on what others want for you isn't always a bad thing, except for the fact that you're relinquishing control of your life to someone else. According to success guru Brian Tracy, you can only be successful to the extent that you feel you are in control of your life. To the extent that you feel out of control, or under the control of someone else, you cannot feel successful in your own life. When others want for you what you want for you, this can change, and you can satisy others while satisfying yourself.


I hope the above has made sense. Remember, when you focus on the rocks and the trees and the ditch, you'll end up hurt with a broken mountain bike. When you focus on the trail and the exhileration and the fun, you'll end up descending a mountain having the time of your life.

Comments again are welcome and encouraged. Thanks.

The Prayer of St. Francis

I love this prayer. It focuses on the needs in the world, and not on the selfishness of the one praying. It focuses on what is to be gained, not what is missing. There is truth in this prayer.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

On sin, keeping the commandments, etc.

Can you just picture it? Before the creation of Earth and this great journey, God decided to sit down and make up some rules that all of his children were to abide by. "Let's see... should I allow lying or not? How about indiscriminate sex? Hmmm... should stealing be allowed? How about gay marriage? R-rated movies? How about PG?" And so on and so on. And thus we have the commandments we have.

NOT.

There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven ... upon which all blessings are predicated -- and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to the laws upon which that blessing is predicated.

Get it?

It's not up to us, or up to God even, for that matter. It's as simple as karma, almost. We are given these commandments, not as arbitrary rules to see if we'll be good boys and girls or not, but because these are the instructions. They are almost like a road map... If you want to travel from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, there is a road you should take. Sure, you can get there by going up I-5 to Sacramento, then east into Nevada and finally southeast to Las Vegas, but you'd get there a lot faster by going up I-15 straight into Vegas. There's no other way about it.

To have what we want, in this life or the next, we need to follow certain rules. Visualize this, if you will. Imagine there are, floating all around us in the air, tiny particles of energy (and there are, but try to picture them). Each is charged with either a positive charge or a negative charge, to varying degrees. Imagine the positive charges are yellow and the negative charges are blue. There are bright blue charges and there are lighter blue charges. There may even be charges that tend towards green. There are bright yellow ones and light yellow ones. And they're all floating around. Now imagine how each of these feels. The bright yellow positive charges feel good. People who are generally happy and -- you guessed it -- positive people are surrounded by this yellow energy. People who are depressed or negative most of the time are predominantly surrounded by this blue energy (again, the colors are just for illustration purposes).

Which color surrounds you? And can you do anything about it? YOU BET YOU CAN!

You see, when you violate one of these laws upon which blessings are predicated, you're producing some of the blue energy. And like attracts like (birds of a feather?), so you will find yourself surrounded by this blue energy, which makes it impossible to truly feel good (as someone once said, "Wickedness never was happiness.")

On the other hand, when you do something positive -- like perform an act of kindness or service -- you're producing (and therefore also attracting) this yellow -- or positive -- energy, and you feel good. You can't help but feel good.

It can even begin in your thoughts. If you pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head, you can tell if they are yellowish or blue-ish thoughts, if you're really paying attention to them. You can even tell what kinds of energy surround people you know. Just "look" for it. Maybe not with your physical eyes, but see how your energy level is affected by the people you come in contact with. Listen to the words they say. Words -- their very vibrations in the air -- carry with them positive or negative energy. Pay attention to the words you use. They have an awesome power to attract positive and negative energy.

And thus the revealed word of God -- scripture, if you will -- is simply instructions on how to be happy. If our devine destiny is to become like God, and God knows how to do that (after all, who can tell someone best how to be most like you, but you yourself, right?), then maybe we should listen to what he has to say. Not because these are the "rules" or the "test" to see if we'll be "good", but because that's simply the way it is.

I hope that made sense. Comments are welcome and appreciated.

On relationships

Do you have anyone in your life that you just can't relate to? Be it a sister, brother, parent, child, or even your husband or wife? Why is that? Are they just living from a different point of view than you are? Are they just crazy?

Here's something to contemplate: Your relationship with someone else is not in them, it's in you. Let me explain. Except for psychopaths and people that have extreme mental disability, the following holds true.

Let's say the person you can't relate to or get along with is your sibling. Let's even be more specific and say it's your sister (I have four sisters, two step-sisters, and one sister-in-law, so this is good for me too). Are there people, someone, somewhere, that actually likes your sister? There's got to be someone... think hard about it. Can you identify someone? How come that person can get along with your sister, but you can't? What's the difference? Assuming your sister doesn't have multiple personality disorder, she's the same person to you as she is to the other person. So the difference isn't in the object of our relationship, it's in the subject of the relationship. It's in you. If I hate broccoli, but you love broccoli, the difference isn't in the broccoli, it's in me and you.

And this all relates back to focus. Remember the mountain biking analogy, or the new car anaolgy? What you focus on expands. So do you focus on everything you can't stand about your sibling, or do you focus on what's good about that person? Come on, somebody likes her, so there's got to be something of a redeeming value there. Focus on that, and it will expand, and all of a sudden how you treat your sister will change, and by reciprocity, the way she treats you will change. And you know what? Even if the way she treats you doesn't change, you'll think it has, because now you'll be focusing on all that you love about her and her good qualities, and that's what you'll see.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

On emotions

As I wrote in the "On Offense" post, you own your emotions. You control them.

You see, as human beings, we have what Stephen Covey calls "response-ability." All animals respond to stimulus. When a deer smells a human being, it will likely bound away, regardless of the tasty berries it was just eating. When the fly you're trying to swat feels the gust of wind from your hand, it will fly away. When the cat hears the electronic can opener, she comes running. Pavlov's dog, etc. Stimulus --> response.

We as humans, however, have the ability to think before responding, and therefore we have the ability to choose our responses. You see, we have our agency. The prophet Lehi spoke about creatures that are created to "act" and others that are "acted upon." The animals mentioned above are being "acted upon" in that they perceive a certain stimulus and their actions are automatic, for the most part. We humans should be "acting" and not be "acted upon".

When someone is rude to you, you can choose how you will react. You can, as Wayne Dyer puts it, respond with ability (similar to how Dr. Covey says it). You can either respond back with anger and therefore let that person get inside your head and allow them to control how you feel, or you can pause, and think, before responding. Realize that another person's behavior is just that: their behavior. It likely has very little to do with you. If you can take advantage of this golden moment between stimulus and response, and respond positively regardless of circumstance, you will lead a happier, healthier life. Let others own their own behavior, while you own your own. You are indeed responsible for how you handle other people and their behaviors. Let them be angry if they insist, but don't allow them to dictate your behavior based on their anger, or depression, or sadness. Be what you want to be. Feel how you want to feel.

More on this later...

A poem

Rumor has it that Mother Teresa had this poem posted on the wall in the orphanage she founded in Calcutta, India. I liked it, so I'm posting it here.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be Kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis. it is between you and God; It is never between you and them anyway.

On offense

That's offense, as in taking offense, or being offended. Not as in quarterbacks and running backs.

I heard recently that no one can offend you without your permission. So many people find it so easy to get offended these days. It's really not necessary. After all, your relationships with other people reside in you, and in the way you react and interpret what other people do.

Consider this: Somebody says something, the exact same thing, to two different people of similar backgrounds. One person is offended and the other is not. So where's the difference? The difference is not in what was said, as the words and even the unspoken messages (i.e. body laguage, tonality, etc.) were the exact same for both listeners. The difference, then, is in the listener.

Why would one choose to be offended? Unlike some emotions and feelings that could be described as "negative", offense has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Frustration, for example, can be viewed as a signal that the way one is approaching a task or problem is not working and it's time to try a different approach, or to drop the task for the time being and come back to it another time.

Motivational gurus have spoken on this topic in the context of controlling your thoughts and directing them for your good and your personal improvement. Even Apostle David A. Bednar spoke about offense at the last General Conferece in October, 2006. He said:

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else....

"You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended." (Ensign, November 2006)

So take a step in a positive direction today and choose not to be offended. It will make a happier and more in-control you!

Focus

You get what you focus on. Let me explain.

When was the last time you bought a new car? Or even a used car? Let's just say that you bought a new car two months ago, and it's a Honda Accord (or insert your favorite make and model here). Driving home from the dealership, you're almost guaranteed to notice that all of a sudden there are dozens upon dozens of Honda Accords on the road! Many more than you've ever seen before! How is this possible? Because, as Wayne Dyer puts it, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Again, you get what you focus on. I like to mountain bike, and although I don't do it as often as I'd like, there is a truth to it I'd like to share. One that I've learned from sad experience.

When you're cruising down a hill at 15 or 20 mph on a trail that's maybe 18 inches wide, there's little room for error, especially if the sides of the trail do not contain passable terrain... like a stream or a cliff or a ditch or rocks. In this scenario, your bike will magically go wherever you look. If you look at the trail and your "line" (read: where you want the bike to go), your bike will stay on the trail and you'll have an amazingly fun descent. If you allow your focus to shift to the stream or the rocks or the ditch, guess where your bike is going to go... You guessed it. Right into the ditch, or the stream, or crashing into the rocks. I've bent wheels and flattened tires proving this theory to be true.

The same is true for your life. What are you focusing on? If you focus on the negative in your situation -- what you don't have, who doesn't love you, the way so-and-so was mean to you at that party, the fact that you weren't invited to that meeting or that activity -- then you will attract more of that lack into your life. You will continue to not have enough of what you don't have enough of, you will continue to not be loved or included. If, on the other hand, you focus on what you DO have, and act as if you have what it is you don't yet have, you will attract into your life more of the abundance, and less of the scarcity.

This, I believe, is why we pay tithing and offerings, and why we're counselled to pay that first and be generous. By so doing, we're attracting more abundance because we're not focusing on what we don't have, but rather our focus is on giving as if we already had, and having faith that God will make up the difference. This is why you hear story after story of how someone didn't have enough money to pay their tithing and all their bills, but they faithfully paid their tithing and somehow the money was there to pay the bills too, and often with a little left over. If you want to attract abundance into your life, give away what you have (i.e. pay tithing and fast offerings, donate to the missionary fund and other charities as well) and you'll always have enough, and I dare say, you'll begin to attract more than enough abundance into your life.

I could go on, but I'll save some for another post. :)